Person breaking a chain
This entry was posted in ZOE Behavioral Health on by .

The Quiet Allure of Addiction

Throughout my life, I always felt as though I was different. At school I never really fit into social circles and had trouble maintaining friendships, I was never the smartest or the most athletic in my class, and I didn’t say much.

I felt like, no matter what I did, I would never fit in, as I was. When I looked in the mirror, I saw someone I wasn’t proud of. I saw someone quiet and awkward, destined to remain without friends or significant relationships for the rest of my life.

I knew something had to change if I didn’t want to feel lonely forever.


I became much more popular in high school. I was a partier and a fanatic, constantly skipping classes and sneaking out late to spend time with my friends and people I didn’t know, attracting the attention of everyone in a positive light, which is what I always wanted.

While it felt good at the moment, it was fentanyl addiction that got me to that point. As a high school kid who didn’t have a lot of extra cash, fentanyl was a cheap option among drugs that allowed me to steal a few dollars without being noticed.

As my fentanyl addiction grew worse, however, and my dependency grew to the point I was stealing, lying, and cheating my way through high school, I knew I wanted to quit.


How Addiction Makes You Its Prisoner

The thing about drug addiction is that once it has you shackled, it doesn’t allow you to break free easily.

What became something I snorted at parties to make me a little more likable became part of my daily life and constantly clouded my thoughts and judgment, riddling my brain with intense cravings, and its highly addictive demeanor wasn’t willing to leave my brain anytime soon. No matter how much I tried to quit cold turkey, the withdrawal symptoms were too much, and people started noticing. I was beginning to be that unlikeable kid again, the one that no one paid any attention.
People partying

I started attending counseling at my school, and after a few sessions, I confessed everything about my fentanyl addiction to my counselor, and how fentanyl withdrawal was too awful for me to quit on my own.

That was when my journey in rehab began.


What Does Fentanyl Treatment Look Like?

Being that the hardest part of fentanyl addiction is the withdrawal symptoms, that is the first thing the fentanyl rehab often focuses on when helping you quit.


I suffered from fevers and chills during my detox, as well as intense nausea and severe pain and cramping throughout my entire body. It wasn’t pleasant, and I just wanted it to be over; I knew that the way to make it stop was to relapse.

If I had been alone, that’s exactly what I would’ve done.

But the thing about rehab is that they want you to succeed in your sobriety journey; that is exactly what I needed at this point in my life. Someone that wanted me for who I was, my healthiest self, and not what I was like on fentanyl.


What Fentanyl Detox is Like

A hospital bed

Fentanyl detox is about a week of symptoms that feel like a particularly nasty cold or the flu. The whole time I was sick, I just remember my thoughts being plagued with nothing but fentanyl. It would have been so easy to relapse and overdose if I hadn’t asked for help.While fentanyl withdrawal isn’t pleasant, not at all, it’s just a week in the face of forever. It was worth it for me. It’s worth it for you. Substance abuse is never worth continuing to ruin your life.


Is it Safe to Detox From Fentanyl Cold Turkey?

It wasn’t for me. Everyone’s sobriety journey is different, and it can be next to impossible to quit cold turkey alone for some people.


Fentanyl detox is an awful experience, and no one should have to face it alone. If quitting, it’s essential that you do what I failed to do so many times and ask for help.


New Beginnings

Quitting fentanyl and seeking fentanyl addiction treatment, or ending substance abuse in general, feels like restarting your life, really. Choosing to seek treatment ended up being one of the best decisions of my life, however, and I would not be the person I was today without it.

I wasn’t the same person that everyone liked in high school, I wasn’t the reckless partier that could go all night, and I’m grateful for it. Even if I don’t get the attention I used to and I am a bit socially awkward, the people who care for my mental health now are the ones who I care for the company of. Fentanyl addiction turned me into a person I wasn’t, but becoming sober turned me into someone better.
A man consoling another man

You’re worth more than the entertainment you can provide others. And that is something I wish someone had told me when was in school, struggling to keep my head afloat, just desperately wanting to be liked.


How Long is Rehab?

For me, rehab was a week of the withdrawal process and 45 days of inpatient care. It seemed the long term recovery was so daunting when I heard the stretch of time, and I thought it was entirely too long.

A woman walking in the park
It wasn’t. My recovery process and recovery journey aren’t something that needed to be rushed, and I’m glad they weren’t. The treatment program consisted of therapy with other patients and individuals struggling with addiction, which was a very enlightening experience, to hear and see all those other stories of people who were addicted to opioids, heroin, alcohol, morphine, fentanyl like me, or other substances.

The counseling stage of rehab also ensured that it was clear to me that my recovery journey requires dedication not just during rehab, but for the rest of my life. I had to turn my life around entirely and ensure that relapse wasn’t an option.


How Do I Live Differently Now?

I’m an adult now, and my fentanyl addiction and withdrawal symptoms are years behind me, yet stick with me every day. Addiction isn’t something I got rid of, but rather something I have to actively work against.The most important thing to do is to take good care of your brain. Feed it nutrients and healthy substances, ensure you’re stimulating yourself with positive affirmations, and maintain an overall healthy lifestyle.

People in an indoor group therapy

In order to avoid a relapse in my fentanyl addiction, I get up early to take cold showers and meditate. It ensures I start the day with a positive and clear head, and grounds me from any of the thoughts I had in the night. I am also mindful of what I eat, and I continue to seek counseling to ease anything on my mind.

A woman meditating

Is Recovery Worth it?

I can say without a doubt recovery is the best thing I have ever done for myself. Fentanyl addiction is what ruled my life for years, and even now it’s something that is constantly on my mind and plaguing my thoughts. When I was enduring fentanyl withdrawal symptoms, and fentanyl detox, I was convinced there was no way this was worth it and that it would be easier to just keep using.


However, I can say with absolute certainty that without fentanyl, my life and my demeanor are 100% genuine, and I can be a better person for the people I love without worrying about whether I’m interesting or fun enough. Drugs allow me to live in a lie, but recovery has ensured that my life is filled with only my most honest self.


It’s Never Too Late

Rehabs are filled with people who want to help you get better, whether it’s professional help from doctors, other patients who have been through the same things as you, or counselors who know how to help you get back on your feet.Even if it seems like you’re alone, there are people to help you work through your opioid addiction, whether it’s fentanyl addiction or otherwise, like they did with me.

A woman throwing her hands in the air

Seeking fentanyl addiction treatment near me can seem daunting and hopeless, but I am a ten times better person for it now, and I thank myself every day for making the decision to seek professional help.

Without addiction, you get to live life on your terms, and not on a drug’s terms. Which is something everyone deserves to do.