Maintaining a healthy relationship with a person living with bipolar disorder can be challenging. Issues can arise in relationships with someone with bipolar disorder, leading to tension and challenges in daily lives. Dealing with their fluctuating energy levels and extreme mood swings can be exhausting and overwhelming. Even if you love the person dearly, there will be arguments from time to time and when this happens, you might find yourself struggling to communicate effectively without triggering their symptoms.
Bipolar disorder is a mental illness characterized by extreme shifts in mood, energy, and behavior. These changes can range from manic episodes of intense energy and euphoria to depressive episodes of sadness and hopelessness. Hypomanic episodes and periods of experiencing mania can also occur, sometimes leading to severe symptoms such as psychosis or intense angry outbursts. Anxiety and irrational thoughts are common symptoms that can impact behaviors and relationships. Recognizing these symptoms and having a sense of emotional awareness is important for loved ones to deal with the challenges that may arise.
In this article, we’ll discuss some practical advice you can apply when you need to discuss sensitive topics with someone with a mental health condition like bipolar disorder. By reading these suggestions, it can help you learn how to deal with disagreements in a way that is respectful and supportive. It can also help you develop a deeper understanding of people with bipolar disorder.
Introduction to the Condition
Bipolar disorder is a complex mental health condition marked by dramatic mood swings that can range from emotional highs, known as mania or hypomania, to deep lows, or depression. For a bipolar person, these intense mood episodes can disrupt daily life, strain relationships, and impact overall well-being. Recognizing the symptoms of bipolar disorder—such as sudden shifts in mood, energy, and behavior—is essential for understanding how this disorder affects a person’s life. With approximately 2.8% of U.S. adults experiencing bipolar disorder each year, it’s important to foster effective communication and provide support. By understanding the unique challenges faced by someone with bipolar disorder, you can help them access proper treatment and maintain healthier relationships.
Understanding Behavior
When navigating arguments with someone who has bipolar disorder, it’s important to understand how the condition influences their behavior. Mood swings, irritability, and irrational behavior are common symptoms that can affect how a bipolar person communicates and reacts during emotionally charged conversations. Their emotional state may shift rapidly, making it difficult to predict their responses. Recognizing these symptoms and understanding the underlying disorder can help you approach arguments with greater empathy and patience. Effective communication and a willingness to understand the person’s perspective are key to managing disagreements and providing meaningful support.
Find the right time and place
While the ideal scenario is not to argue with a loved one with bipolar disorder, the reality is that it cannot be avoided. Perhaps you have disagreements about something as simple as your weekend plans or something more significant, like their treatment plan. These issues need to be talked about and you’re probably aware that an argument cannot be avoided.
Whatever the issue is, try to find the right time and place to discuss it. Timing can be a very critical factor when talking to someone with bipolar disorder. Mood episodes can occur unexpectedly, making it important to choose the right moment for discussion. It’s important not to approach them when they are in the middle of a manic or depressive episode.
When a person with bipolar disorder experiences symptoms of bipolar disorder including heightened thoughts and emotions, it can be challenging for them to communicate effectively. Wait until they are in a stable state before addressing any sensitive topics. For example, it is especially important to wait for stability after a stressful event or during recovery from an episode—these are examples of situations where timing is crucial.
Stay calm and patient
You already know that arguing with someone who has bipolar disorder can be a bit more complicated than usual. Keep in mind that their condition can cause them to react differently from what you may expect. For example, they may become angry or display challenging behaviors during arguments, such as irritability or agitation, and may not be willing to see reason.
Try to regulate your emotions by not matching their level of intensity. It’s essential to stay calm and patient during the conversation, as staying calm is an effective way to deal with angry outbursts. Avoid raising your voice or getting defensive, as this may escalate the situation further. Instead, try to speak in a gentle tone and use non-confrontational language.
Avoid making them feel like their feelings or thoughts are irrational. Instead, validate their emotions and try to empathize with how they may be feeling. Remember that it’s not easy for them either, and your support can go a long way in helping them feel understood.
For example, you can say, “I recognize that you’re feeling upset right now,” to acknowledge and validate their emotions during the argument.
Practice active listening
Instead of just trying to get your point across, genuinely try to understand what the other person is saying through active listening. Active listening involves fully concentrating on what the individual is saying and providing them with your undivided attention so they can feel heard. During emotionally charged conversations, it is important to maintain a sense of empathy and understanding to support effective communication.
Encourage them to speak openly and let them finish their thoughts without interruption. It’s also essential to pay attention to non-verbal cues, such as body language and tone of voice, to get a better understanding of how they are feeling.
For example, you might respond with, “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed right now.” This type of active listening response helps the other person feel validated and understood.
Reflect back on what they have said by paraphrasing or summarizing it. This shows that you are actively listening and trying to understand their perspective, and helps them recognize that you are truly listening. It can also help clarify any misunderstandings and prevent miscommunication.
Dealing with Intense Outbursts
Intense outbursts, often referred to as bipolar rage, can be one of the most challenging aspects of interacting with a bipolar person. These episodes of bipolar anger can escalate quickly, especially during periods of heightened mood swings or in stressful situations. When faced with such outbursts, it’s crucial to set clear boundaries and remain as calm as possible. Using active listening techniques can help de-escalate the situation and show the person that their feelings are being acknowledged. Avoid engaging in arguments or responding with hurtful things, as this can intensify their emotional state. Instead, focus on providing support and validation, helping the person regain control over their emotions and navigate through the anger in a healthier way.
Take a break
Did the conversation start out calmly but quickly turned into a heated argument? If you feel like things are getting out of hand, it’s okay to take a break. Heated arguments can lead to increased tension and unhelpful behaviors. Politely suggest that both of you take some time to cool off and reconvene the conversation later.
Use this break to reflect on the situation and your own feelings. Taking a break can help both parties deal with irrational thoughts that may arise during the argument. What did the other person say that made you react so strongly? At the same time, reflect on what you might have done or said that made them agitated.
Don’t immediately assume that the agitation is stemming from their mental health issue. Instead, try to see it from a neutral perspective and identify any triggers that may have caused the argument.
Keep yourself safe from abuse
Having bipolar disorder is not an excuse for being abusive. No matter how much you care about the person, it’s important to set boundaries and not tolerate any form of abuse. This can include verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. Loved ones may experience severe emotional or physical abuse, leading to significant disruption in their lives.
If you feel like the conversation is turning into an argument or the individual is becoming aggressive or violent, calmly remind them that their behavior is unacceptable. Practical advice for dealing with these situations includes setting clear boundaries and seeking help if needed. It’s okay to end the conversation if they continue to be abusive.
Make sure to prioritize your safety and well-being in any situation. If you ever feel like you are in danger, do not hesitate to reach out for help from a trusted friend or professional.
At Zoe Behavioral Health, we offer support and resources for individuals with bipolar disorder who may struggle with managing their emotions during difficult conversations. Remember, it’s important to take care of yourself first before trying to engage in a conversation about someone else’s mental health. So, always prioritize your own well-being and safety.
Supporting a Loved One
Supporting a loved one with bipolar disorder involves more than just being present during difficult times—it requires a proactive approach to understanding the disorder and its impact on daily life. Educate yourself about the symptoms, treatment options, and the importance of ongoing mental health care. Open communication and setting healthy boundaries are essential for both your well-being and that of your loved one. Encourage them to seek treatment and be attentive to changes in their emotional state, especially signs of an impending manic or depressive episode. By recognizing these signs early, you can help prevent arguments and intense outbursts, and provide the support your loved one needs to manage their condition effectively.
Managing Relationships
Maintaining a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder can be challenging, but it is possible with the right strategies and support. Prioritize effective communication, active listening, and empathy to navigate arguments and everyday interactions. Setting boundaries and maintaining mutual respect are crucial for a healthy relationship—remember not to take the person’s behavior personally, as it is often a symptom of the disorder. Understanding the impact of bipolar disorder on relationships can help you provide the encouragement and support your loved one needs. Don’t hesitate to seek professional mental health treatment or counseling, as these resources can offer valuable guidance for both you and your loved one in managing the complexities of bipolar disorder and maintaining a strong, supportive relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do arguments with someone who has bipolar disorder feel more intense?
People living with bipolar disorder may experience mood swings that amplify emotions. During manic or depressive episodes, small disagreements can escalate quickly because of heightened sensitivity, irritability, or impulsivity.
Should I avoid all disagreements with a loved one who has bipolar disorder?
Not necessarily. Healthy disagreements are a normal part of any relationship. The key is learning to communicate calmly, avoid triggering language, and pick the right time—ideally when your loved one is stable, not in the middle of a mood episode.
How can I de-escalate an argument with someone who is bipolar?
Stay calm, listen without interrupting, and avoid judgmental or dismissive statements. If the conversation gets too heated, it’s often best to pause and revisit it later when both of you are calm.
What should I absolutely avoid saying during an argument?
Avoid comments that minimize their feelings, such as “You’re overreacting” or “You’re just being bipolar.” These can feel invalidating and may escalate tension. Instead, use “I” statements like, “I feel hurt when…” to express your perspective.
How can I set boundaries without making things worse?
Boundaries are healthy and necessary. Be clear, consistent, and respectful. For example, you might say, “I care about you, but I can’t continue this conversation if we’re yelling.” Boundaries should come from a place of care, not punishment.
Should I encourage my loved one to seek professional help if arguments are frequent?
Yes. Frequent or escalating conflicts may signal that treatment or medication adjustments are needed. Encourage your loved one to speak with a mental health professional, and consider therapy for yourself or as a family to build better communication tools.